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12 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無法好好分手？也許你也有「分手恐懼心理」","slug":"%ef%bc%bb%e6%83%85%e6%84%9f%e5%bf%83%e7%90%86%e5%ad%b8%ef%bc%bd-%e7%84%a1%e6%b3%95%e5%a5%bd%e5%a5%bd%e5%88%86%e6%89%8b%ef%bc%9f%e4%b9%9f%e8%a8%b1%e4%bd%a0%e4%b9%9f%e6%9c%89%e3%80%8c%e5%88%86%e6%89%8b","categories":[{"wordpress_id":590604102,"id":"4e5e70fc-c31e-5ccf-9a3b-7596af77bbf0","name":"生活心理學","slug":"%e7%94%9f%e6%b4%bb%e5%bf%83%e7%90%86%e5%ad%b8"}],"tags":[{"id":"23d10bdd-1d0d-5728-98a8-0674a9399fe0","name":"親密關係","slug":"%e8%a6%aa%e5%af%86%e9%97%9c%e4%bf%82"},{"id":"75ca5f2c-f941-573a-907f-19970fcc035d","name":"如何離婚","slug":"%e5%a6%82%e4%bd%95%e9%9b%a2%e5%a9%9a"},{"id":"b3a297c9-a5f6-55d8-b5b7-24f1fa739cb6","name":"如何變得幸福","slug":"%e5%a6%82%e4%bd%95%e8%ae%8a%e5%be%97%e5%b9%b8%e7%a6%8f"},{"id":"dcdd7823-bd8b-543a-8e14-2f08c00e8859","name":"如何分手","slug":"%e5%a6%82%e4%bd%95%e5%88%86%e6%89%8b"},{"id":"ba78dbcf-a6c7-5612-92f9-6b5a78f86683","name":"婚姻問題","slug":"%e5%a9%9a%e5%a7%bb%e5%95%8f%e9%a1%8c"},{"id":"5aac713b-fddf-5133-a013-b3813f12ff88","name":"情感心理學","slug":"%e6%83%85%e6%84%9f%e5%bf%83%e7%90%86%e5%ad%b8"},{"id":"03f6b26a-ab1a-51ad-8d9d-3c065e12ee42","name":"感情問題","slug":"%e6%84%9f%e6%83%85%e5%95%8f%e9%a1%8c"}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https://bamboodd.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/close-up-of-totally-concerned-woman-cz3mv45.jpg"}}]},"wordpressPost":{"slug":"%e3%80%8a%e6%83%b3%e8%a6%8b%e4%bd%a0%e3%80%8b%e6%91%af%e6%84%9b%e6%ad%bb%e4%ba%a1%e5%a4%b1%e8%90%bd%e4%bd%95%e6%99%82%e7%b5%90%e6%9d%9f%ef%bc%9f%e4%bc%b4%e4%bd%a0%e8%b5%b0%e9%81%8e%e6%82%b2%e5%82%b7","title":"《想見你》摯愛死亡失落何時結束？伴你走過悲傷的哀悼歷程","content":"\n

《想見你》劇中，男主角王詮勝因為空難而離開，女主角黃雨萱在外人眼裡看起來很堅強。但熟悉他的人都知道，他只是把生活過得如男友離開前一樣，就像他從沒離開過。

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《想見你》劇照
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　「如果我知道王詮勝其實沒有那麼愛我的話，那我好像也可以不用那麼愛他」－《想見你》黃雨萱

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　好像只要找出王詮勝劈腿的證據就能減少對他的愛，對於失去的痛苦也就相對減輕了，這些種種都顯現黃雨萱仍無法走過失去摯愛的苦痛。

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　根據研究發現，調適悲傷失落其實是有一定的歷程與階段的，人們時常無法理解為什麼這麼久了還走不出來？好像調適好了怎麼過幾天又掉到低谷了？這些都可以透過心理學家提出的「悲傷調適四階段」來理解。

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　藉以看見失落的旅程可能會有的模樣，更有意識地去面對失落帶來的不舒適感。

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壓力大

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王詮勝的死，黃雨萱為何難以釋懷？

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「非預期」與「不明確」的死亡是讓人格外難以承受的原因－悲傷治療大師 J. William Worden 

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　根據悲傷治療大師J. William Worden 所寫的悲傷輔導與悲傷治療一書，逝者死亡的形式也會影響生者的哀悼歷程。相較於老人生病臥床的死亡，王詮勝「非預期」與「不明確」的死亡也是造成黃雨萱格外難以承受的原因之一。空難離世的王詮勝，由於搜救人員找不到屍體，雨萱沒有看見屍體，也就無法真正的相信詮勝的死亡，若有似無的抱持著詮勝可能還存活著的希望，讓雨萱走在路上都好像看見了詮勝一般。

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　瞻仰遺容是不論何種宗教的葬禮都存在的禮儀之一，而葬禮存在目的不只是為了往生者送終的禮儀，更多時候是為了讓留下來的人可以有一個儀式好好說再見。

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《想見你》悲傷後的適應歷程
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悲傷有哪些階段？在不同階段我們能做什麼？

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「悲傷不該被干擾」－心理學大師 Frued

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　佛洛依德（Freud, 1917/1957)認為悲傷是一種自然的過程，他曾經在＜哀悼與憂鬱＞一文中寫道：「悲傷不該被干擾」。過去，我們會藉由各種宗教儀式讓生者可以順利完成各種階段的哀悼歷程任務。但因為時代的演變，交通、通訊變得如此便利，訊息的傳送如此快速，越來越多人難以透過傳統的社會習俗來經驗悲傷後的哀悼歷程。

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　失落的痛苦如此難以承受，難以逃避，不如我們改以「適應」悲傷的角度來看待，感受自己在悲傷調適歷程中的每一個當下。以下我們提供一些方法，不論處於哪個階段，都可以嘗試看看。

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1.體認失落

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面對親友的死亡是一件非常難以接受的事情，那會讓生者感到非常的不真實，就像在劇中儘管雨萱知道王詮勝已經發生空難了，但仍很難相信王詮勝的死亡，生活中依然會想像他再次出現在眼前，所以必須要做的第一件事情就要讓生者「清楚的認知到失落已經真實的發生了」，才能接續處理失落後的悲傷情緒。

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2.體驗情感

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在悲傷的情緒當中，大部分的感受都是令人感到相當不舒服的，其中包括：憤怒、愧疚、焦慮與無助、悲哀……等等，多數人不願面對這些不舒服的感覺，習慣以逃避的方式處理。在劇中可以看到黃雨萱時不時的懷疑王詮勝劈腿，焦慮的找朋友確認王詮勝劈腿的問題。

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此時，可以試著以文字的方式書寫感受與情緒，讓這些感覺具象化，嘗試主動面對情緒，或許前幾次會非常的不舒服，但經過幾次的練習，情緒可以更快速地被消化出來。

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3.幫助生者繼續活下去

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如果是生者的伴侶，通常會共同決定生活中的大小事。當失去了伴侶這個角色，生者會頓時失去最重要的生命支持，此時容易因情緒起伏過大而影響決策，因此盡量不要在這段期間做出重大決定。

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4.找尋失落的意義

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失去摯愛的你可能會有十萬個不能理解的理由，透過不斷問「為什麼」來尋找逝者死亡的原因。這些失落影響你的自我價值感，頓時就像無助的小孩一般。我們必須理解，「尋求意義的『過程』」和「所追尋的意義」都是同等重要的。給自己一些獨自空白的時間，找尋這些失落的意義吧！

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5.將情感從逝者身上移轉

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藉著新關係的發展，生者可以將情感轉移，但前提是生者自己清楚明白自己的狀態！有些人不願意找尋新關係，因為可能會覺得對死者不敬；有些人會非常快速的尋找下一任伴侶，以尋求替代的慰藉。

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快與慢都沒有對錯，但都需要注意，自己是否真的處理好上一段感情，準備好進入下一段關係了，過快進入下一段關係可能將上一段關係的悲傷情緒帶入下一段關係中，使新的關係混雜著複雜的情感遲遲不願開啟新關係，也可能為自己的人生畫地自限。

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6.給予充分的時間與空間盡情悲傷

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哀悼的歷程需要時間，而且是漸進式的，甚至會反覆來回。或許對於其他家人而言會迫切地想要你趕快振作，對你說一些「不要再想了」、「死者一定也不想要看到你這樣」等等的話。但悲傷真的需要時間，就好好的讓自己悲傷吧！

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7.適當的求助專業人員

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當你覺得自己一個人真的無法負荷，卻又不想要麻煩身邊的親朋好友時，適時的求助專業人員一點也不是可恥，且是有益身心健康的行為！尋求專業的幫助也是好好善待自己的方式。

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　有意識地知道自己處於哀悼歷程的階段位置，能夠覺察自我的狀態，也會更能夠接受自己的情緒。此外，當情緒被體認得更清楚，也就不會將不同的事情的情緒混雜在一起，造成很「阿雜」的混亂感。
　儘管過程中會有許多不舒服的感受，但有意識的覺察自己的狀態也許就能給自己帶來一些安穩，知道自己終有一天能找到一處放置這些悲傷，並且以有意義且不再痛苦的方式回憶、紀念他。

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參考資料
李開敏、林方皓、張玉仕、葛書倫（譯）（2011）。悲傷輔導與悲傷治療：心理衛生實務工作手冊（第三版）（原作者：J. WILLIAM WORDEN)。心理出版，台北。
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文章轉載自： 雞湯來了

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